a little soul-searching

I stayed up all night sketching forms for my three concepts. I’m tired. I was going to just post this picture and say goodnight, but I’ve got some more serious things weighing on my mind right now.

I just don’t feel right. I don’t know if I’m really cut out to be a designer. I feel like I just go through the motions without ever really reaching a satisfying outcome. I know the drill: I sketch, model, sketch, model, render, present. I pull all nighters. I spend a lot of time trying to meet the deliverables and satisfy the requirements of the projects. What else is there? I feel like I put a lot of effort into pleasing my professors. So, I’m a good student, but what happens when I’m not in school anymore? I’m not going to be a student for that much longer, so it’s really time for me to figure some stuff out. Where do I fit into the realm of industrial design? I like technical details. I love getting down into the nitty gritty so much that I’m a little disinterested in the bigger picture. I also feel like I just don’t achieve desirable forms 90% of the time. Am I just not capable, or is going to take me a little longer to develop that skill? If that’s the case, I’ll put forth the effort to make it happen. I’ve been working hard on producing better sketches, and I’m starting to see some results from that. Is it likewise possible to improve on form development?
I just want to be able to figure out where I’m going with design. I want to be able to objectively assess my strengths and weaknesses and find out what careers are best suited for me. I wish I were an awesome designer, but I just don’t think I’m ever going to get there. Maybe it’s time to get realistic and figure out what I actually can achieve.

This is exactly the reason why I want to go to New York. I want to meet a bunch of real designers and see what they do every day. It’s so hard to get a real perspective on what design is really all about from inside the school walls. It’s time to make this trip happen.